Vulnerability

Maybe this is a slight hyperbole, but being vulnerable is one of the most frightening things; when I put myself out there, tell someone how I feel, it scares me. I never know if that person will reciprocate or if they will just discard the piece of my mind or heart I just slipped into that person's pocket. Ironically, though, in spite of that person's ability to utterly destroy me when I open up more and more, it's in that nakedness that there's also the possibility of being made far more happy than I could ever be on my own. It's a worthwhile risk, wouldn't you agree? :)

I was disillusioned in one of my classes today. It's so easy for me to look back at my past, or even take a look at my life now, and feel that it was and is really hard; however, though there have been things that have been difficult, after having a more intimate, personal class period (most of the class was gone, so there was less people there), I realized that I am so blessed to have the life I do. A few of my classmates spoke about their past and their lives up to this point and I never realized how many of my peers have been physically, verbally and sexually abused. I heard about people who had been in and out of foster care and people who had been ignored by many of their classmates, always being interrupted every single time they talked and had felt extremely alone. My heart hurt for them, yet I felt so inspired to see how optimistic they are about life, which was comforting. Everything just really made me realize that we never know what people are going through, so we should tread lightly and always be willing to be a friend and be grateful for what we have.

I have the most adorable three year old sister! A few days ago, when it was actually sunny (not raining super hard like today, yesterday and the day before that), I decided to go lay out in my secluded backyard. I wear a one piece swimsuit if I go out swimming, for modesty purposes, but, I have to admit, I own a bikini so that I can lay out in my backyard if I am lucky enough to see some sun here in Oregon. Anyways, when I was out in my backyard, basking in the sun, my little sister Kyra decided to come out. At first, she had clothes on, but, after a few minutes passed by, I looked up to see her walking over to me without a shirt on and then she decided to lay down next to me. She seemed so proud of herself and I couldn't stop laughing.

Do you know what else makes me laugh? When I hear boyfriends and girlfriends complaining and whining about not seeing each other for a day or two. However, after my initial amusement, I almost want to punch them in the faces! I never actually would, but I wonder how they would feel about not seeing the person you like for eight months. I know how it feels and it sucks and it's lonely and it's hard, especially when I have another year and four months to go. It's okay, though :) I've realized more and more that distance does not affect the way I feel inside towards this person (It must be just him, because, with any other person or emotion, things fade with time) and time doesn't mean anything when we have so much more of it. At least I have plenty to look forward to.

If you're reading this, create a blog and start writing right now! I want to know what's going on with other people and Facebook statuses just don't cut it.