As I was walking around the Portland State campus today with my two pairs of socks, scarf, gloves, long sleeve shirt and jacket, I still felt cold. On top of my obvious measures to stay warm, I'm also fairly obvious about my preferences when it comes to weather; I feel bad for my friend who had to listen to my lack-of partiality to the cold. However, on my way home from school, once I had some time to myself, I started to think about what it would be like to have to sleep in this weather, to not have a nice, warm home to come to where I can take a bath to warm up my feet; my mind then flooded with the many lumps I've seen on the streets of Portland throughout my many visits there. And those lumps are people. People who get cold just like I do. My complaining quickly seemed foolish and I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Why are those people under those ragged sleeping bags there? I know that many of them are likely there as a direct result from poor choices, but that can't be the case with all of them. And even if those people are sleeping on a sidewalk because of poor choices, it makes me sad that they allowed those poor choices to control their lives to that extent, where another drink, another smoke becomes more appealing than a warm room with a fridge. Wherever those hidden faces under the sleeping bags are, no matter the reason for having a concrete as a bed, I hope they are able to find warmth.
Another aspect about the whole homelessness ordeal is that many of those people wandering the streets are extremely talented. I'm almost awed by how those people asking for money seem to be able to talk to anyone. From my perspective, they seem to not care what people think, to not be intimidated by people that "normal" people would be intimidated by. I'm convinced that many of those homeless people could make better salesmen than those guys who went to college for it--if only those talents and abilities were directed in a better way.
There's something that just seems so carefree about being on the streets that I sometimes envy if I don't really think about it. No worrying about bills. No worrying about what people think. No worrying about cleaning a house. No worrying about being stressed out about a job. No worrying about going to school. The homeless life just seems so simple and I feel like it's so easy for me to get caught up in the most trivial of things.
However, in spite of all the worries that come with not being homeless, it's worth it. Yes, I may have to worry about bills. Yes, I may be concerned about what people think to a certain extent. Yes, I may worry about having a clean house. Yes, I may have a job that may stress me out once in awhile. Yes, I may spend time going to college and doing homework. But all of those "negative" things also have an outweighing positive side, and at least I don't have to have the two big worries of being hungry and staying warm.
Once I met a homeless man that I really respected, and still respect. It was my birthday, so I decided to go to Portland with some friends and we ended up at Voo Doo Donuts. It's a fairly popular place, so it wasn't too big of a surprise that there was a line that extended past the door of the shop and, while my friends and I were waiting in line, a homeless man with a stack of newspapers came up to us. He explained that he's selling newspapers for a foundation that informs people about homelessness and that he was, in fact, homeless; he continued to educate us on how each newspaper costs $1.00 and that he receive $0.75 of that $1.00, with the $0.25 going to the foundation that prints it. I only had larger bills, so I told him that, once I bought my donut, I would love to come purchase a newspaper from him, which I did. The thing that amazes me the most is that he wasn't just sitting on the side of the street with a sign asking for money; but rather, he was doing what he could to work, even if he got very little money for it. What a great guy. You can meet all sorts of amazing people when you keep your eyes open.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Letter to a Termite
Dear Termite,
As with most of you secondary invaders, you are attracted to weakened, damaged and dying trees and, therefore, have little fault in your invasion of me. And then again, this brittle bark holds some bitterness yet.
Do not think I plead for your sympathy or strive to make any justification in my fall, but I've stood alone for so long; with no others plants or shrubs to console or help withstand, I took the brunt of a storm that left me vulnerable. The constant weight of wind plucking my leaves and breaking my branches cracked me open, caused me to wonder at the sight of myself falling to pieces.
Even you felt the storm and wind and needed shelter; it's a miracle and a condemnation that the hurricanes did not merely whisk you away. So, at the first touch of your buggy bones I shuttered with shock, welcoming in any creature, for I had seen none for days and days; and there we were, two entirely different organisms, seemingly as one. I could not help but smile sometimes, when I thought of enveloping you, keeping you safe, as I continued to be thrashed by wind and rain. I guess I was still alone then, in spite of you being in my creases and corners, feeding your appetite. But it is just hard when you have not seen a tree in days--it even causes one to settle for a termite.
Do not take offense when I speak of merely settling, dear termite, for you have your place among your own. It's just a tree and a termite do not do well together; well, unless you are the termite, for the termite doesn't have to do any losing, only gaining.
And I rejoiced for a time with you in my bark; I even dared hope that you were there solely for shelter. But, instead of shaking you off, whispering to the wind to just blow you away, I bathed in self-destruction and allowed you to stay; not only did I continue breaking apart on the outside, but quickly, I saw, that my innards easily became dust with you near.
And you were fat and happy and greedy; and I increasingly became a mere stick, torn apart and with nothing to give.
Hopping away, you looked back, for the initial coldness and cruelty of the wind came as a surprise to you, and called to this hallow tree to let you back in. I relented, for it was hard to see you go, in spite of your eating me alive.
And then I suspected: if a tree were to ever feed on termites you would not have sought shelter with me; if this parasitism were reversed, I knew you would quickly flee.
I shook and shuttered and quaked in anger, found that I had strength yet. And you left, for you realized I would no longer allow you to make sawdust out of me.
The wind still beats, but I've found within in me an invincible spring. I will not fall.
Love,
The Tree
As with most of you secondary invaders, you are attracted to weakened, damaged and dying trees and, therefore, have little fault in your invasion of me. And then again, this brittle bark holds some bitterness yet.
Do not think I plead for your sympathy or strive to make any justification in my fall, but I've stood alone for so long; with no others plants or shrubs to console or help withstand, I took the brunt of a storm that left me vulnerable. The constant weight of wind plucking my leaves and breaking my branches cracked me open, caused me to wonder at the sight of myself falling to pieces.
Even you felt the storm and wind and needed shelter; it's a miracle and a condemnation that the hurricanes did not merely whisk you away. So, at the first touch of your buggy bones I shuttered with shock, welcoming in any creature, for I had seen none for days and days; and there we were, two entirely different organisms, seemingly as one. I could not help but smile sometimes, when I thought of enveloping you, keeping you safe, as I continued to be thrashed by wind and rain. I guess I was still alone then, in spite of you being in my creases and corners, feeding your appetite. But it is just hard when you have not seen a tree in days--it even causes one to settle for a termite.
Do not take offense when I speak of merely settling, dear termite, for you have your place among your own. It's just a tree and a termite do not do well together; well, unless you are the termite, for the termite doesn't have to do any losing, only gaining.
And I rejoiced for a time with you in my bark; I even dared hope that you were there solely for shelter. But, instead of shaking you off, whispering to the wind to just blow you away, I bathed in self-destruction and allowed you to stay; not only did I continue breaking apart on the outside, but quickly, I saw, that my innards easily became dust with you near.
And you were fat and happy and greedy; and I increasingly became a mere stick, torn apart and with nothing to give.
Hopping away, you looked back, for the initial coldness and cruelty of the wind came as a surprise to you, and called to this hallow tree to let you back in. I relented, for it was hard to see you go, in spite of your eating me alive.
And then I suspected: if a tree were to ever feed on termites you would not have sought shelter with me; if this parasitism were reversed, I knew you would quickly flee.
I shook and shuttered and quaked in anger, found that I had strength yet. And you left, for you realized I would no longer allow you to make sawdust out of me.
The wind still beats, but I've found within in me an invincible spring. I will not fall.
Love,
The Tree
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Nothing Much
Today I left my debit card in an ATM; I needed to be somewhere and was in a hurry, so I accidentally left it in the machine at Bank of America. I didn't realize this until I looked at my phone, noticed I had a missed call from my assistant manager and listened to my voicemail, which told me a customer had kindly brought it in and that I could get my card on Friday.
I love people.
Though this person could have taken my card for themselves, though this person could have not taken the time to find someone to keep the card safe for me, this person had integrity--in spite of having no direct reward. I'm grateful for those who care enough about others to do those little things here and there that make a huge difference. I know that it's easy to think that there's so many bad things going on around us, which may be true, but to witness and experience all the good things about us is not only comforting but reassuring.
Though I love people, I've also began to realize how I've started to put less of a priority and value on socializing; this does not go to say that I feel like I don't need anyone, for I know a few people of which I need, but having tons and tons of friends to constantly spend time with is unnecessary--and quite time consuming. The word "alone" has often held many negative connotations for me, but I think it's starting to manifest a certain beauty and peace in it that people just can't replace.
A clean conscience is the best friend one could ask for. Other people and things in your life are replaceable, so be sure to cater to the most important one first.
There isn't much else to say that doesn't let you in on too much, other than the fact that school is going well. When I first started at Portland State University, I was really resenting going; however, there's a lot that I like about going to school, mostly the learning aspect of things and maybe a person here or there. It seems to me that a lot of people at PSU are just kind of distant from one another; we're not a very close-knit group or anything and I haven't made a huge handful of friends, but I kind of like it this way. It helps me stay focused on school, for my main goal is to get out of there as soon as possible.
Sorry this isn't much.
I love people.
Though this person could have taken my card for themselves, though this person could have not taken the time to find someone to keep the card safe for me, this person had integrity--in spite of having no direct reward. I'm grateful for those who care enough about others to do those little things here and there that make a huge difference. I know that it's easy to think that there's so many bad things going on around us, which may be true, but to witness and experience all the good things about us is not only comforting but reassuring.
Though I love people, I've also began to realize how I've started to put less of a priority and value on socializing; this does not go to say that I feel like I don't need anyone, for I know a few people of which I need, but having tons and tons of friends to constantly spend time with is unnecessary--and quite time consuming. The word "alone" has often held many negative connotations for me, but I think it's starting to manifest a certain beauty and peace in it that people just can't replace.
A clean conscience is the best friend one could ask for. Other people and things in your life are replaceable, so be sure to cater to the most important one first.
There isn't much else to say that doesn't let you in on too much, other than the fact that school is going well. When I first started at Portland State University, I was really resenting going; however, there's a lot that I like about going to school, mostly the learning aspect of things and maybe a person here or there. It seems to me that a lot of people at PSU are just kind of distant from one another; we're not a very close-knit group or anything and I haven't made a huge handful of friends, but I kind of like it this way. It helps me stay focused on school, for my main goal is to get out of there as soon as possible.
Sorry this isn't much.
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