Life's Cruel Paradoxes

I've discovered at least two of the cruel paradoxes of life since the last time I wrote:

1) When I try to distance myself from others, when I build walls around myself, when I am secluded and morph into a hermit, I feel lonely; and yet, when I strive to put myself out there, when I drop myself into a crowd of people, when I fill my time with hanging out with friend after friend, I still feel lonely. Is there anything out there that takes this away?

2) After much consideration and observation of others, I've concluded that kissing (and all that comes after) creates yet destroy everything. What is meant as a beautiful show of affection that can take a relationship to new heights can, on the other hand, under the wrong circumstances, kill a friendship and breed bitterness. I guess it's a matter of experiencing those things with the right person--at the right time.

I just got back from Utah earlier today; as always, I had mixed emotions about leaving. It was amazing seeing family again and I'm extremely grateful that my little brothers Max and Jaden still remember me, though months sometimes pass between the times we get to see each other. I have to say, though, I did not miss the disgusting, almost milky water and all the cockroaches that can be found in St. George. My sister Sammy got married and I had to try hard not to cry when I was standing in the bridesmaid's line; there's just something so precious about the union of two people who love each other, in spite of any obstacles that may exist. Being I am a girl, I couldn't help but think about the day that I get married sometime in the future. So many people get married prematurely and then there are others that discourage getting married until after college; however, I don't know when I will get married and I kind of just like thinking about cutting the cake when the time is right, without thought of "Oh, it's too early" or "Gosh, I waited until I was 28." I also decided that I hope to not get too caught up in having a perfect cake and flower arrangements; I think it's so easy for girls to slip into stress from worrying about the most trivial parts of a wedding and I really just want to focus on the person I love. I'm sure that's easier said than done, as most things are.

I have a question! If you're not officially in a relationship with someone, but, inside, you really like that person and care for them, are you being disloyal to them and your feelings if you are going off with other people and allowing for yourself to feel attractions towards those said other people? Should you stay perfectly true to that one person you genuinely want to be with, even if you both don't have a title, and just cut yourself off from others of the opposite sex? That doesn't make any sense, does it?--Ha, that last one's merely rhetorical.

I also have a joke! What is the most dishonest animal in the whole wide world? A lion. I made that one up myself this past week, so don't make me feel bad by telling me how lame it is and reiterating what I already know deep down :)

I also have a conversation to relay to you!

Me: "Grandma, I heard you were looking at the Hyundai Genesis?"

Grandma: "Oh, yes! Grandpa and I are hoping to get it when the ship comes in!"

Me: "Mom showed me pictures on the computer and it looks really nice. What are all the things you like about it?"

(Grandma proceeds to list a few different answers, none of which I remember except for one) Grandma: "...And it has this thing in the middle of the car that kind of looks like a map, but it talks to you!"

Cheyenne: "You mean a GPS?"

Grandma: "Oh, I don't know!"

(Cheyenne and me slightly bouncing up and down in the back of the car as we try to hold in our intense laughter while grandma continues talking like nothing happened)

Sorry this was so long, but it's been awhile! My first day working at Bank of America is tomorrow; I'm really excited, but kind of nervous as well. Let's hope I catch on quickly!